Domestic violence or intimate partner violence is when the perpetrator is related to or connected to the victim in some way. The manifestations of such violence can be many and it is often difficult to recognize the violence. However, all manifestations of intimate partner violence have one thing in common: they cause fear and insecurity in those who are exposed to it.

One of the main characteristics of intimate partner violence is what is known as coercive control, which involves some form of control or oppression by the perpetrator. Coercive control is when a person in an intimate relationship takes control of another person's life. This is done by controlling access to friends and family, finances, social media, or other things that a free person would normally have control over.

THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE

One of the main characteristics of intimate partner violence is what is called coercive control, which involves some form of control or oppression by the perpetrator. The cycle of violence usually has three stages that form a kind of vicious circle. These stages are not always completely clear, but can be described as follows.

The voltage level

Intimate partner violence rarely begins suddenly. It often begins with a period of gradual tension building in the relationship. The atmosphere becomes tense and unpredictable, and the victim may feel constantly uncertain about how the perpetrator will respond. Gradually, tension begins to build in the relationship.

The perpetrator may become irritable, critical, or controlling, and the atmosphere becomes insecure.

The patient often tries to calm the situation and avoid conflict, but the tension continues to rise.

The attack phase

When tension builds up, it can erupt into an aggressive phase. This is when violence occurs, which can be physical, mental, sexual, or financial.

This stage can be short but very severe. The sufferer may experience intense fear, confusion, and helplessness, often trying to defend themselves or stop the situation in some way.

Wheat Bread Days

Violence may be followed by a period of remorse, apology, and promise that things will change. They may be especially warm, caring, or give gifts.

This can give the victim hope that the violence is over and that the relationship can improve.

Denial

After the violence, there is often a period of trying to explain away or minimize what happened. The perpetrator may excuse their behavior, blame others, or say it was an isolated incident.

The victim may also try to understand or justify the perpetrator's behavior, especially if the relationship is based on strong feelings or a shared life. Relationships are complex, and emotional ties can make it very difficult to see the situation clearly from the outside.

This level can therefore make the violence seem less serious than it actually was.

Recognizing the pattern can help you understand how violence develops and why it can be difficult to break the cycle. The cycle can repeat itself over and over again, which is why it is important to recognize the pattern.

Do any of the following apply to you and your partner?

Please note that this is not a test that gives a "yes" or "no" result. However, the following statements may help you understand the nature of the relationship.

  • Have you become afraid of your partner?
  • Have you been scared when he is under the influence of alcohol or drugs?
  • Has your spouse tried to stop you from going where you want to go?
  • Has he tried to prevent you from doing work, school, or hobbies?
  • Does he order you around?
  • Does he demand that you obey him?
  • Has he/she said (directly or indirectly) that you can't survive without him/her?
  • Has your partner been following you?
  • Does your partner accuse you of being unfaithful?
  • Is he critical of you, your friends and/or family?
  • Has he said that "there's something wrong with you", even that you're "crazy"?
  • Have you ever feared your partner under any circumstances?
  • Does he get angry if you disagree with him or have a different opinion?
  • Are things (e.g. the reason for an argument) usually your fault?
  • Has he belittled you in front of others?
  • Does he have control over your finances?
  • Have you ever felt like you had to have sex to "please your partner?"
  • Has your spouse intentionally destroyed your personal belongings?
  • Has he threatened you with facial expressions, movements, or gestures?
  • Has he threatened to harm you, himself and/or the children?
  • Has he yelled at you and/or the children?
  • Has he pushed/shoved you or hit you and/or the children?
  • Has he or she hit/beat you and/or the children?
  • Has he threatened to harm himself and/or take his own life?

This site strives to keep the text easy to read, which is why gender or sexuality is not always taken into account in the choice of words.