Some patterns provide shelter
while others
harm you.
SKJÓL is a specially designed Icelandic knitting pattern that serves a triple purpose: fundraising, education and solidarity. With every stitch you knit, you support the work of the Women's Shelter and send a message that no woman should stand alone.
Patterns in abusive relationships
We see patterns in the yarn itself; in loops and lines. In abusive relationships, there are also patterns that are less visible. Violence in intimate relationships is rarely an isolated incident, but rather a recurring pattern. Such patterns are most often characterized by isolation, control, and fear.
To break the pattern, you need to recognize it.
The pattern of violence is a hidden pattern that develops and escalates.
It rarely happens all at once. It can develop slowly, starting out as something small but gradually taking over the lives of the victims. That's why it can be difficult to spot the pattern when you're in the middle of it.
Intimate partner violence can be emotional, physical, financial, digital, and sexual, and perpetrators often combine more than one type. Isolation and financial abuse usually block escape routes, while physical abuse often occurs later, when the pattern is already entrenched and complex.
Knowing this pattern helps us understand how violence develops and why it can be difficult to break the pattern!
Voltage buildup
Tension builds up in the relationship before it erupts.
The attack phase
When tension boils over, certain manifestations of violence become more apparent. It can be physical, mental or sexual abuse, for example. The victim may experience great fear, confusion and helplessness.
Wheat Bread Days
After the outburst, there is often a period of remorse, apology, and promise that things will change. They may be extra caring or give gifts, giving the victim hope that the abuse is over.
Denial
After the wheat bread days, there is often a period of trying to explain away or minimize what happened. The perpetrator may excuse their behavior, blame others, or say that the incident was a one-off. This stage can make the violence seem less serious than it actually was.
On average, it takes victims of intimate partner violence 6 to 7 attempts to completely leave an abusive relationship.
Breaking the pattern is rarely simple.
Breaking away from an abuser is rarely a simple decision, it is a complex and painful process. Research shows that it takes victims of intimate partner violence an average of six to seven attempts to completely leave an abusive relationship.
Why is it so difficult? Because domestic violence is a systemic pattern. It is based on psychological isolation and control that slowly and steadily destroys the self-image. When a victim tries to break away from an abusive relationship, a period of complete turmoil can ensue, during which the person experiences a lot of insecurity and fear. That is precisely why the support network around victims is so vital.
The women's shelter is a haven for survivors in this turmoil. We are there for the first attempt, the fifth attempt, and the eighth attempt. We offer shelter, counseling, and a safe space to build a new life and a new identity.
With the Break the Pattern campaign , we use collective craft as a counterpoint to the isolation experienced by victims of violence. Knitting becomes a symbolic way to reclaim control, create connection, and show solidarity.
Every loop brings good results
Even though the pattern is the same, the piece is always yours. Your choice of yarn, colors, and textures gives the piece its own unique touch. With your knitting, you send a message that you stand with victims of violence in close contact.
64% of women who have experienced violence say that the perpetrator has isolated them from family and friends. The SKJÓL knitting pattern is a sign of support and solidarity with women living with violence. Crafts and group knitting create connections and work to break isolation. When the isolation is broken, it becomes easier to seek help.
About the recipe author
Tinna Laufdal is the founder of Tiny Viking. She is a trained textile teacher and fashion designer and has been knitting since a young age. Tinna has many years of experience teaching textiles and has always had a great passion for needlework. She is also a strong advocate for people finding their own style and creating their own clothes and accessories. Recycling and sustainability are also on her mind and this is reflected in her approach to design and teaching.
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