Definitions of violence in intimate relationships

Intimate partner violence, also sometimes called domestic violence, is violence that an individual experiences at the hands of someone close to them, related or connected to them, such as a spouse, child, parent, stepfather, sibling or guardian. A “partner” can be a current or former husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend or cohabitant. The victim and perpetrator do not have to live together or be married for the violence to be classified as intimate partner violence. Intimate partner violence does not have to be confined to the home of the perpetrator or victim.

Physical violence
Physical abuse is when physical force is used against another person, whether or not physical harm results. Physical abuse is also when the person's physical needs are withheld. It is common for physical abuse to follow emotional abuse that has been present for some time.

An example of physical violence in an intimate relationship may be if your partner:

• Holding you hostage.
• Prevents you from nourishing yourself.
• Prevents you from getting proper sleep.
• Hurts you with, for example, a knife, belt, gun or blunt object.
• Prevents you from taking necessary medications.
• Kicks/punches objects, throws and/or damages objects.
• Prevents you from being able to leave and/or come when you want.
• Hits, punches, hits, scratches, bites, slaps, pinches, kicks, pulls hair, pushes, burns, drowns, chokes, or grabs you by the throat.

Mental abuse
Emotional abuse can take the form of verbal or physical abuse. The communication is often characterized by humiliation and is usually a way for one party to gain control or authority over the other.

An example of emotional abuse in an intimate relationship may be if your partner:

• Screams at you.
• Nominates you.
• Belittles you.
• Threatens and/or intimidates you.
• Calls you crazy/insane.
• Teaches you about their behavior and well-being.
• Isolating yourself from friends and family.
• Doesn't trust you to make decisions.
• Makes you feel like you're stuck in the relationship.
• Don't trust yourself around people of the opposite sex.
• Tracks your movements – keeps an eye on you.
• You get a feeling of impending violence.
• Criticizes you and/or belittles your achievements or work.
• Makes you feel like you really need him.
• Is abusive/hurtful when under the influence of alcohol/drugs.
• Uses alcohol/drugs as an excuse to say offensive/hurtful things.
• Harassing you constantly, for example with messages, phone calls and/or visits.
• Willing to "teach you something" by, for example, forbidding you from seeking help after an argument.
• Humiliates you and makes fun of you, whether in public, in front of friends/family, or when it's just the two of you.

Sexual violence
 Occurs when a person is forced to engage in sexual activity against their will and without consent. The violence can also manifest as sexual harassment, pressure, coercion, and threats, such as threats of sexual images.

Financial violence
Financial abuse is a way of controlling a partner through finances.

An example of financial abuse in an intimate relationship may be if your partner:

• Forbids you from working.
• Takes your salary from you.
• Gives you money.
• Records debts on you but assets on themselves.
• Prevents you from choosing a career.
• Deliberately destroys your personal belongings.
• Keeps information about your financial situation from you.
• Spends joint funds on unnecessary things like alcohol/drugs or his own hobbies without consulting you.

Digital violence
Is when violence is committed through the use of technology, for example sending messages via social media, telephone or email.

An example of digital violence in an intimate relationship may be if your partner:

• Registers on social media under your name.
• Controls who can be your friend, for example on Facebook, and who can't.
• Has information about your location, for example via your phone.
• Controls who you can talk to via social media or on the phone.
• Sends you and pressures you to send him sexual messages.
• Pressures you to send him nude/sexual photos and/or videos of you.
• Checks your phone regularly, checking photos, messages, and call history.
• Sends you nude/sexual photos and/or videos of themselves, against your will.
• Constantly sends messages via phone/social media and/or calls constantly.
• Threatens to speak badly about you or spread rumors, for example via phone or messaging app.
• Demands your passwords to log into social media or bank accounts.
• Threatens to publicly post nude/sexual photos and/or videos of you, or send them to relatives, friends, or coworkers.

Consequences of violence

Those who experience violence, in any form, experience its consequences. The consequences can appear at any point in time, sometimes even long after.

Common consequences include sleep and appetite disturbances, fear, shame, guilt, self-doubt, mood swings, and low self-esteem. People may also experience post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts.

All of these are natural consequences of the abnormal situation of being in an abusive relationship.

The consequences of violence can be varied and of varying severity and can affect both the mental and physical health of those who are subjected to the violence. Therefore, it is important to familiarize yourself with the resources available and to get help.

Different forms and manifestations of violence in intimate relationships

Please note that the following is only a brief overview of the descriptions, examples and consequences of various forms of violence. The summary is by no means exhaustive and is only intended to give an idea of ​​the types of violence and their consequences. It is common for forms/manifestations of violence to overlap, for example, physical violence is also psychological violence. Sexual violence is also physical in most cases.

A lot of educational material about domestic violence is available online. For example, there are several research in Icelandic on domestic violence.