Some patterns provide shelter
while others
harm you.
SKJÓL is a specially designed Icelandic knitting pattern with a threefold purpose: fundraising, education and solidarity. With every stitch, you support the work of the Women’s Shelter in Iceland and send a message that no woman should have to stand alone.
Patterns in abusive relationships
We see patterns in the yarn itself—in the stitches and lines. There are also patterns in abusive relationships, though they are less visible. Intimate partner violence is rarely an isolated incident; rather, it is a recurring pattern. These patterns are most often characterised by isolation, control and fear.
To break the pattern, we must recognise it
The pattern of abuse is hidden, developing and escalating over time.
It rarely happens all at once. It may develop slowly, beginning as something seemingly minor but gradually taking over the victim’s life. That is why it can be difficult to recognise the pattern when you are caught in the middle of it.
Intimate partner violence can be emotional, physical, financial, digital or sexual, and perpetrators often combine more than one form. Isolation and financial abuse usually close off avenues of escape, while physical violence often appears later, once the pattern has become deeply rooted and complex.
Recognising this pattern helps us understand how abuse develops and why it can be so difficult to break it.
Build-up of tension
Tension builds within the relationship before it erupts.
The abuse phase
When the tension boils over, different forms of abuse become clearly apparent. This may include, for example, physical, emotional or sexual abuse. The victim may experience intense fear, confusion and powerlessness.
Honeymoon phase
After the eruption, there is often a period in which the perpetrator shows remorse, apologises and promises that things will change. They may be especially caring or give gifts, giving the victim hope that the abuse is over.
Denial
After the honeymoon phase, there is often a period in which what happened is explained away or minimised. The perpetrator may excuse their behaviour, blame others or claim that the incident was a one-off. This stage can make the abuse seem less serious than it actually was.
On average, it takes survivors of intimate partner violence 6 to 7 attempts to leave an abusive relationship for good.
Breaking the pattern is rarely simple
Leaving an abuser is rarely a simple decision; it is a complex and painful process. Research shows that, on average, it takes survivors of intimate partner violence six to seven attempts to leave an abusive relationship for good.
Why is it so difficult? Because intimate partner violence is a systematic pattern. It relies on psychological isolation and control, gradually eroding a person’s sense of self. When a survivor tries to leave an abusive relationship, a period of profound upheaval may follow, marked by intense insecurity and fear. This is precisely why a strong support network around survivors is so essential.
The Women’s Shelter is a safe haven for survivors during this upheaval. We are here on the first attempt, the fifth attempt and the eighth attempt. We provide shelter, counselling and a safe space in which to build a new life and a new sense of self.
Through the Break the Pattern campaign, we use a shared craft as a counterpoint to the isolation experienced by survivors of abuse. Knitting becomes a symbolic way to regain control, build connections and show solidarity.
Every stitch makes a difference
Although the pattern is the same, the finished piece is always yours. Your choice of yarn, colours and texture gives it your own personal touch. Through your knitting, you send a message that you stand with survivors of intimate partner violence.
64% of women who have experienced violence say that the perpetrator isolated them from family and friends. The SKJÓL knitting pattern is a symbol of support and solidarity with women living with violence. Crafting and knitting together create connections and help break isolation. When isolation is broken, it becomes easier to seek help.
About the pattern designer
Tinna Laufdal is the founder of Tiny Viking. She is a qualified textile teacher and fashion designer and has knitted from a young age. Tinna has many years of experience teaching textiles and has always had a deep passion for handicrafts. She is also a strong advocate for people finding their own style and creating their own clothes and accessories. Reuse and sustainability are also important to her and are reflected in her approach to design and teaching.
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